pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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