how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
