Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
