can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
