He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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