that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
