What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
