So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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