i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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