It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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