he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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