Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
