Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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