I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
