you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
