There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
