your thong is hanging out like whoa
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
