Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
