it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
