I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
