They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
