i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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