your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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