what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
