They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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