I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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