Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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