I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
