it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
