I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize