I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
