Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
