If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
