some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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