I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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