It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize