Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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