Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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