I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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