look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
