I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
