Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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