like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize