my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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