apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
