covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
