if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
