somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
