is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
