I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
