lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
