Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
