dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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