Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
