The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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