Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
