well you can't waste a boner
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
