Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
