U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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