No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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