"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Randomize
