Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
