I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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