Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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