Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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