I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize